How To Own A Quiet Confidence

I’m not one of those people who walk into a room and instantly command attention. Never have been. Never have sought out the attention. To me it’s not a great look, or necessary.

Some people just have a confidence that is loud or powerful that crosses into arrogance, making one seem out of touch, dismissive, or even insufferable. A confident person is often thought of as being bold or extraverted. It seems the pressure to “fit in” and “not miss out” causes people to be more outspoken, speak at a high-volume, or be forcefully opinionated – sometimes to the point of talking over others to be heard.

To the contrary, I believe that there is immense strength in a learning how to own a quiet confidence grounded in self-assurance that doesn’t rely on volume to command attention, but on presence – which can be of novice or expert in stature. In my personal and professional life, I have always strived to embrace a quiet confidence as a signature strength – whether I am the novice or expert in the room. I realize this confuses many people – especially those that are of the opposite mindset.

Quiet confidence is the kind of confidence that speaks before you even say a word. It’s the way you carry yourself, how you respond under pressure, and the trust you have in your own abilities. It’s deeply rooted in self-belief rather than external validation, making it one of the most authentic and impactful forms of confidence. You don’t have to be loud to be heard or make a difference. I know that a calm, quiet confidence is just as strong and impactful as a loud one – perhaps even more so.

Not that you asked but maybe indulge me a little as I share a few notions that have helped to grow my own quiet confidence through the years – from the girl that my husband’s family would tease with the parting line of “nice talking to you, Lisa” to years later as the avid listener at the conference table ingesting the pertinent details and filtering out the noise to better execute and present my work.

Maybe something here will help you learn how to own a quiet confidence too:

1. Know your strengths and weaknesses

Confidence naturally grows out of competence. The more you develop life skills and overall knowledge, the more self-assured you become.

Forward path:

• Document your accomplishments, both significant and minor, to monitor your progress.

• Always be a learner – whether through personal or professional development, mentorship, or self-study.

• Recognize the unique strengths that you bring to the dinner table and the conference table – and own them.

2. Always be present and aware

A person who possesses a quiet confidence doesn’t rush to fill silences or prove herself. Listen, observe, and speak with intention.

Forward path:

• Engage in mindfulness practices to maintain focus on the present moment.

• Speak and move slowly to exude calmness and control – this works with children as well as adults!

• Hold steady eye contact showing an intention to connect.

3. Chose when to speak

Having a quiet confidence doesn’t mean staying silent. It means speaking with clarity and conviction when you do.

Forward path:

• Avoid over-explaining or justifying yourself unnecessarily.

• When you speak, be direct and concise – less is more as the saying goes.

• Develop a strong, steady tone rather than a hesitant or apologetic one.

4. Know your role

Women often feel pressured to accommodate others, but true confidence means valuing your role in every circumstance.

Forward path:

• Stop apologizing when your answer is “no” whether to family, friends, or colleagues.

• Set clear boundaries to protect your own time and efforts.

• Understand your responsibilities and proceed accordingly.

5. Trust that you don’t know everything

Being honest about what you know and don’t know (yet!) will help to grow your confidence and trust yourself despite uncertainty.

Forward path:

• Recognize self-doubt but don’t let it dictate your actions.

• Think about past challenges that you have overcome.

• Always be a student of life.

6. Grow your inner calm

Emotional regulation is an essential component of quiet confidence. Learn to be composed no matter the level of situational pressure.

Forward path:

• Pause to think before talking or reacting.

• Remember your strengths and apply them to every situation possible.

• Be kind to yourself when critical thoughts creep in.

7. Lead with authenticity

Women who possess quiet confidence do not feel the necessity to present a false image. Their genuine selves permeate and most often allows them to lead with an authenticity that attracts others to learn from and grow with them.

Forward path:

• Be yourself and don’t perform for the sake of your position.

• Know that vulnerability and confidence coexist.

• Trust your natural leadership style instead of mimicking others.

The Bottom Line

What I’m trying to say is that self-confidence isn’t always loud, intimidating, or even extroverted. It is not about proving yourself at every turn, in every room. It’s about being secure enough to listen, learn, and grow. It’s about navigating the world with grace, power and authenticity – in the workplace, social settings, and personal life.

For me, cultivating a quiet kind of confidence continues to transform how I navigate life as well as how I want to be perceived by others. It is a practice that continues to morph with each new life stage.

What does learning how to own a quiet confidence look like for you at this stage of your life? Drop me a line below. I’m always ready to listen and learn.